The Prodigal

It's sad how far I can fall from You
Blinded by the world's twisted views
They draw me in with cunning lies
With pleasant smiles but deceitful eyes
You're hurt when I choose them instead
When I follow the heartless, the lost and the dead
I've wasted precious time trying to fit in
But I finally saw what I was living in
I saw how broken I had become
How in my sin I became numb
I didn't see til it was to late
I had to learn from tragic mistakes
But the beautiful thing is You take me back
Despite everything that I lack
Though I spitefully shunned your loving embrace
You showered me with unwavering grace
I turned my back when You died for me
Though I left You, You'll never leave me.

Don't even say "I told you so"
I know I was totally wrong
Every wasted moment though
And every stupid song
They all come back to haunt me
I was just so convinced
These memories, they taunt me
It was all just circumstance
Nothing really meant anything
I read into it too much
I just did all this overthinking
And risked my heart on a hunch
Now I'm sitting here regretting
Everything I told him
These tears are resurrecting
All the pain I felt before him
I know I have myself to blame
He didn't start all this
But nothing will ever be the same
Will I always feel this hopeless?
I just wish I had a time machine
So I could warn myself to stop
So I wouldn't have to feel this pain
So I could avoid this deadly drop
I wonder when I'll feel better
It's taken months before
My heart might ache a year later
Though I won't care anymore
I waved goodbye to my feelings
The ones I treasured for so long
But this storm has left me reeling
And my regrets have been prolonged

Amy

Soooooo looks like I'm gonna be all alone at camp. This is going to be so incredibly weird... and hard. I totally know God's got something up His sleeve though. Stayin' positive. "Lean not on your own understanding."
Story time!
Okay so my second summer at camp there was this girl. I'm not gonna use her real name so we'll just call her Amy. ;) So about my 1st week of camp that summer, Amy was placed in my cabin. She seemed polite enough, but very distant and almost cold in the way she interacted with the cabin leaders and other campers. After a day or two we started to get concerned about her behavior. She hardly ever smiled and never laughed. Oftentimes she would start crying during chapel, and one of the other cabin leaders would have to take her out so she wouldn't distract the others. Once, as the camp director was sharing the Gospel message, she was heard repeatedly whispering, and almost reassuring herself that she "didn't need God". After taking her out of chapel because she was crying again, the other cabin leader asked if she would like to ask Jesus into her heart. Her answer was a violent, harsh "No!" We started to wonder if there might be something seriously wrong, like demon possession, or the influences of demonic forces on her mind. That night, the four of us who were her cabin leaders gathered in prayer, asking God to free her from whatever this evil force was that was causing her to be so against Him. I also texted many of my friends asking for their prayers. The next night, after being taken out of the chapel again for crying, the cabin leader who had taken her out came into the cabin after chapel with tears in her eyes. She told us later that night that Amy had asked Jesus into her heart. We cried and hugged and praised God. He had answered our prayers and it was such an incredible feeling! The next day Amy was a totally different girl. She smiled and laughed and played with the other kids and bonded with the cabin leaders. There was a total transformation in her behavior! After that night she never cried in chapel again.
I don't know where Amy is now. She never came back to camp, but I like to think that she's living for Jesus. That she's trusting Him no matter what's going on in her life. I don't know if she'll ever know, but it was through Amy that I first saw the incredible power and love of God. Frequently she crosses my mind, and every time she does, I send up a prayer for her, and thank God for showing me how His work through a little girl made a big impact on my life.

Long Live

Trying to trust God to work things out... my whole world is changing! I'm the youngest of my group of friends at camp and everyone's moving on from camp and I'm not. It's going to be sooooooo different without them there. Who will be there to notice when I'm stressed out? Who's gonna be my devious partner in crime and help me prank people? Where will I go when I need godly advice and encouragement? All the hugs and smiles and shared jokes and incredible times are just memories now. Next year all of us will be in college and living our busy lives. I wonder if our friendships will last... they say that there's those special friends who will always be in your heart wherever you go. I think some of my camp friends are those special people. Even if I never see them again, I will never forget the impact they had on my life. I'll never forget how they brought me closer to the Lord and how inspired I was by their faith in Him. I'll never forget when I was crying and they were there for me with hugs and sympathy. My most intimate experiences with God were at camp with those people. They are the the greatest friends anyone could ever dream of. They are faithful, loyal, kind, loving, generous and honest. They reflect Jesus in the most vivid way you could possibly imagine. I will never have another group of friends as amazing as my Camp Good News family. So even though my heart aches at the thought of everything changing so much, I am grateful. Grateful for the light they shone in a depressed, unhappy girl's dark world. Grateful that thanks to Jesus' abounding grace and mercy through them, I'm never going back to that darkness. Grateful that I'm the person I am today, living for my Lord to the best of my ability and trying to be an example to others, because they first were an example to me. So I continue with life-- tears in my eyes, but a smile on my face. Knowing that God has great plans in store for my camp friends and I, wherever we may go. And knowing that someday we'll have eternity to spend with each other, reflecting on God's goodness and playing silly pranks on the other citizens of heaven. Thank you God for making my high school summers the most beautiful times of my life so far.

"If you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell 'em my name."